Meeting Ullr

My son is running a fever. I believe its in connection to teething as he might be getting one of his eye teeth (K9 teeth) earlier than expected and they "stomach teeth" as my family calls them, tend to be the most problematic with teething symptoms such as fevers and diarrhea. I share this because I am stressed out about it. My son, other than the little bit of colic during his first weeks, hasn't been sick and I'm always wondering if this is a bad thing for his immune system. Now that he has a fever I'm blending my natural remedies with allopathic medicines my relatives press upon me along with prayer and energy healing.
I've asked Frigga for aid as she is not only My Lady but also the Goddess of mothers and children. I go to her for this sort of thing rather than Eir who I see more as the healer of wounds and the nurse at the battle field.
When I went to Frigga she gave me comfort and my son but also said that I should not worry, that he was protected. I assumed she meant by her.
When I came back down from Fensalir, I meditated while nursing my son and allowed myself to journey to my own astral spaces where I can keep calm, tether myself when journeying, etc. In one of these spaces in an anchor I created when I was pregnant for a shield for my son. Here I can tend to his shielding and care and it is usually a smallish, dark space dominated by the egg that is my son and his shield for his energy body.
I was stunned when I entered this space to find my darling egg was not alone. I do not even allow my husband here. This place is sacred and, to me, like a womb. To find someone within was startling and put me in a predatory, protective mind-set I don't know that I've felt before.

There, beside my son was a man kneeling. He held onto a pole like a staff only thin, and was dressed in furs. Over his long, wind-swept, dark hair he wore a cap and I could not readily make out a face through his dark beard.
I know I said something along the lines of "how dare you be here" and demanded he tell me who he is and what he wanted while at the same time determined to make him leave. When he looked up I knew he wasn't human. I wondered a moment if he was Odin, my husband's Patron deity, who I would have understood somewhat being present as my husband too is worried about our son.
I knew, as soon as I had the thought, however, that I was wrong.
The God grew and grew. His hands were massive and he stood so tall I had to crane my head back to see him. I asked again, frightened this time, who he was.
Ullr
He then turned and left.
Shaken I tended to my son and wondered where I had heard the name before.

Boksta Runestone

My research on Ullr came up successful in that he does exist and others work with him but scant as to why on hearth he would be watching over my son.
Ullr is the god most known for skiing and archery as well as winter.
Some believe, due to archaeological finds and traces, that Ullr might actually be older than the gods. It is likely that his "mask" or aspect that we know of now is one developed over time and he has evolved from something much more primal such as a god of winter, darkness, even death.
While lore says he is the son of Sif and could have connections to Thor, Egill, and Svipdag, others feel these might be the faint reachings of Christians trying to place a God they otherwise can't wrap around.
He is also a god of oaths and his oaths are ones made over rings.

None of the above explains a connection to my son who is Autumn-born and too young for winter activities much less hunting. I then wondered if he was there to speak to me as I am both a child of winter and an amateur archer married to an adept hunting archer and my protective instinct warded him off before we could connect.
I do intend to attempt a connection again when I have more energy. For now I am recuperating after little sleep and much stressing over my wee one.

Ullr's Shrine

Divine Sex: Intimacy with Gods

This is a topic that I've avoided, struggled with, and hid away for a while now. I kept quiet about it because I know full well the majority of the people I know, even the Pagans, Heathens, and Witches that I associate with, will think I am crazy or desperately seeking attention. I know this because I've seen how the community response to others who have said "I have/have had sex with a god." I've seen them called attention-seekers, drama queens, wanting to look special, and "crazy as shithouse rats" (that last one was the most recent statement within the local Heathen community regarding godspouses).

So here I am, dealing with my insecurities and writing despite being outright uncomfortable. Why am I putting myself through this?
As with most of what I write whether its on religion, parenting, or even my works of fiction - I write because this is what I have looked for in the past. I sought out information about those who have relations with the gods and, thanks to my dear friend Lee Harrington, was pointed in the right direction. I read voraciously but I didn't find any resources detailing exactly what I was going through. So I returned to the advice I was given in writing class - write what you want to read.

Cupid & Psyche by Rodin

My first intimate experience with a god was in 2012. I was in a phase of wanting to "collect" attunements. This sometimes happens with people after they receive their first attunement (for me it was in Reiki) and they become almost addicted to the feeling. I then got attuned to Sekhem, then Sekhmet Sekhem, etc. During this collection I was offered a free Anubis Energy Attunement. I accepted it without a moment's hesitation.
At the time I worked predominantly in the nude before a candle-lit altar (all mystical sounding of course...I was dramatic then). I had a very strong experience with the attunement in which I was sitting before Anpu who was holding me by the shoulders while Dehuti (Thoth) was behind me tattooing symbols into my back with a stylus. After the attunement was finished, I felt buzzy and tired at the same time but nothing was abnormal. I grounded, ate some dinner with my husband, and went to bed.
That night I was visited by Anpu who was forceful and intimate. While I wasn't asked for consent, I didn't feel violated, only overwhelmed by the whole experience. When I woke, I was dazed. I told my husband and searched online for other who had the experience - found nothing. The few people I asked about it assumed it was "just a dream" and probably meant to be taken symbolically. Others said that it probably meant that Anpu was my patron deity and meant to work with. Neither of these explanations felt true to me. I felt alone and a little crazy.

My path winded down the spiral and my beliefs shifted and transformed. I became a handmaiden of Frigga who I turn to when I have questions now. While my first experience wasn't forgotten, it became like many things that have happened to me in my religious life - an entry in my book of shadows to contemplate if/when I needed to.

Mani by V.E. Hardy

Then I asked Frigga about the moon. I wanted to write for a publication regarding the moon, specifically about how some cultures view the moon as masculine and others see it as feminine. Like many of the Norse gods, there wasn't much written on the moon god Mani and so I went to Frigga.
Frigga sat spinning the ancient runes and magic into the life of Midgard, smiling knowingly at me with a nod as I asked her. She then sent me, with few words, to Mani himself.

When I went to him, he was very gentle and very affectionate. This became my second encounter with a god that was sexual without any warning or intention on my part.
With Anpu I had been...for lack of better phrasing...rode hard and put up wet. I woke groggy and felt unnerved. With Mani it was completely different. I slept soundly and woke rested and could still feel his gentle caress on my neck and face.
However, after all was said and done, I felt both enlightened and confused.

My husband offered an explanation - that by being intimate with me, he was fully sharing himself so that I could have a better idea of who he was than any conversation or reading could give me - that this was a way the gods can convey information and teachings.
I think this makes sense but also find it strange that even though I am bisexual, I've only ever had these experiences with masculine deities.

I emailed modern polytheist expert Galina Krasskova about my questions. I was nervous about emailing someone I didn't know and look up to as a pagan and author but I felt like if I was going to ask someone, it was best to ask someone who knew what they were talking about.

My biggest question was about the fact that in both cases of this happening to me, I didn't get any sort of consent question before hand or really any warning. Was this just the gods taking what they wanted or felt they deserved as gods?
Galina answered very succinctly:
"Consent is given, imo, when you approach the Gods. it's not like you're going to a frat party after al where a higher, holy Power is expected to ask at each step if this is ok. It doesn't work that way. had you said "Stop" I suspect Mani would have done."
This felt very true and made sense to me. I was glad I asked.

30 Days of Deity

I saw this on Galina Krasskova's Blog, which she got from Felix Culpa's Tumbler and I wanted to share here. I intend to do this for Frigga and will be contemplating my answers until Sept 1 when I put up my first post. I thought about waiting until December or January but I wanted to do this now and might revisit the meme again for one of Frigga's handmaidens or another god/dess later on.

1. A basic introduction of the deity
2. How did you become first aware of this deity?
3. Symbols and icons of this deity
4. A favorite myth or myths of this deity
5. Members of the family – genealogical connections
6. Other related deities and entities associated with this deity
7. Names and epithets
8. Variations on this deity (aspects, regional forms, etc.)
9. Common mistakes about this deity
10. Offerings – historical and UPG
11. Festivals, days, and times sacred to this deity
12. Places associated with this deity and their worship
13. What modern cultural issues are closest to this deity’s heart?
14. Has worship of this deity changed in modern times?
15. Any mundane practices that are associated with this deity?
16. How do you think this deity represents the values of their pantheon and cultural origins?
17. How does this deity relate to other gods and other pantheons?
18. How does this deity stand in terms of gender and sexuality? (historical and/or UPG)
19. What quality or qualities of this god do you most admire? What quality or qualities of them do you find the most troubling?
20. Art that reminds you of this deity
21. Music that makes you think of this deity
22. A quote, a poem, or piece of writing that you think this deity resonates strongly with
23. Your own composition – a piece of writing about or for this deity
24. A time when this deity has helped you
25. A time when this deity has refused to help
26. How has your relationship with this deity changed over time?
27. Worst misconception about this deity that you have encountered
28. Something you wish you knew about this deity but don’t currently
29. Any interesting or unusual UPG to share?
30. Any suggestions for others just starting to learn about this deity?

35 Adorations to Frigga

35 Adorations to Frigga

Frigga by Samantha Johnson

I adore you, All-Mother
I adore you, Queen of Asgard
I adore you, Lady of Fensalir
I adore you, Daughter of Fjorgynn
I adore you, Leader of Handmaidens
I adore you, Hlidskialf Enthroned
I adore you, Key-Bearer
I adore you, Heron-Crowned
I adore you, Gold-Girdled
I adore you, Beloved Lady of the Aesir
I adore you, Head of the Home
I adore you, Patroness of Marriage
I adore you, Grieving Mother
I adore you, Solicitor of Oaths
I adore you, Harrowed by Mistletoe
I adore you, Wielder of the Distaff
I adore you, Cloud-Spinner
I adore you, Wyrd-Weaver
I adore you, Divine Midwife
I adore you, Bearer of Berkana
I adore you, Lady of Silver Birches
I adore you, Frith-keeper
I adore you, Domestic Goddess
I adore you, Guardian of the Hearth
I adore you, Bearer of the Mead of Hospitality
I adore you, Protectress of families
I adore you, Comforter of children
I adore you, Keeper of Odin's secrets
I adore you, Silent Seer
I adore you, Patient Partner of a Wanderer
I adore you, She who soothes the wandering king
I adore you, cunning Wife and warrior in the battle of words.
I adore you, Lady of the Langobards
I adore you, One who smiles on the lowly
I adore you, Throne-Guardian alongside brothers

You can find this and more writings about and to Frigga at the Northern Pagan Tradition Shrine.

Prayer for Freya

Galina Krasskova is currently hosting a contest for a new Freya prayer card.

Freya by Halldora

If anyone is interested Galina will run this contest for one week. It will end 9pm EST on Monday, August 22. Check out the blog for entry requirements and contest winner awards.

My Entry:

Hail Freya, Vanadis

I ask for protection, under your falcon wings and war-maiden's shield

Help me to make peace among my enemies

Give me the courage to fight again for if I am battle-slain in truth

May my actions be ever-worthy of your choosing.

Hail Freya, Lady of Sessrúmnir

Help me to set boundaries for myself so I can honor the boundaries of others

For as your home when locked is protected by your will

Let me be also protected and closed against trespasses. 

Yet may my hospitality be true and help me act in frith.

Help me to pay fairly and to accept fairly what is my due

Show me your just ways.

Hail Seidhkona, Holder of Magic and Keeper of Mysteries

Teach me to see the magic in all things

Help me to move between the veil, allow me to walk among the worlds.

May I glimpse in your forge of dreams

By Seidhr rune-wise and true as words from your tongue.

Hail Goddess of Beauty, Amber laden Creatrix, Mistress of Brisingamen

Ignite within me the creative spark

Help me to bring beauty into my own deeds and all that I make

May the fierceness of your eyes lend me their keen awareness

that I might see none other than your face before my work

Let me be ignited with Need-Fire, your Will. 

Don't Let Them Silence You from Galina Krasskova

Had to share this lovely message from Galina Krasskova to me and her readers.

I commented on This Post about "LARPing pagans" yesterday and was so inspired by Galina's response that she also turned into a blog post on Gangleri's Grove.

I commented:

“This is something I’ve been contemplating and railing against for a lil while now since having this discussion in a local heathen group with a man who compared devoted polytheists to “crazy shithouse rats.” May people I come across in this and other online pagan communities are “Pagan/Heathen Atheists” or similar titles. When I bothered to ask a few why they were part of a religious community when they didn’t believe in the gods venerated therein, they said they liked the idea of the culture and bringing back a lot of the community beliefs of the “vikings” and other similar groups. I then asked if it would not be better for them to join a living history or reenactment group than to profess a religion that they did not believe in. The conversation spiraled downward from there into a complete mess but in the end I had to ask myself – why is it that so many people want to LARP or cosplay as a religion they don’t believe in really? I cannot fathom anyone dressing up as Jesus or Mohammed and going to church but claiming atheism or even going so far as to call everyone else there crazy for actually believing.

This is an issue I still have problems not getting emotional over and am not sure how to grapple with it other than to just avoid the conversation with role-players and keep to my devotions by myself. Glad to see this being discussed elsewhere.”

My response, and I say this to each and every one of you:

This. I see this all the time. First of all, don’t let them silence you. That is what they want. Do not yield an inch. THEY are the ones who have zero place in our traditions. Why the fuck these people think they ought to come into our religion, corrupt and destroy it I do not understand. But don’t fall silent. Speak about your devotion. write about it. do not hide it. that’s what people like this want. Live it and share it and let it grow. That is the only answer to this, because we are faced with a sad influx of people who cannot see what is good: our traditions and faith without seeking to bring it down to their level and corrupt it. Thank you for what you are doing. Keep it up and keep asking those questions.

Also note that these people cannot just come into our traditions and enjoy them and participate as guests. They have to insinuate that devoted people are crazy and try to change the tradition, demand that the tradition changes to accommodate them, rather than the other way around which is at the very least, a complete violation of frith.

Pagan Veiling

So I am veiled. I am a covered woman. I am a veiling pagan.
I'm not generally trying to be open about it as it is only something I'm trying out for now.
Today is my fourth day wearing a wrap on my head and so far I am liking it but still I hesitate to commit to it.

I first was introduced to the idea of veiling (covering the hair or head with fabric spoken of here for religious purposes) by Ulfdis who covers in honor of Angrboda. We discussed this briefly when I spoke about how Frigga was making cutting my hair and chemically dying it taboo. I felt overwhelmed as someone who routinely cut, shaved, and dyed my hair. While Frigga wasn't demanding this from me or else (I dunno what the or else might be - lightning striking, hail, crops whithering, my hair suddenly falling out). It was more a matter of "if you want me to continue to come to you and help you, there is a give and take. If you are going to be my earthly handmaiden, you must represent me properly, so no more cutting or dying." And so I no longer cut or dye my hair (I haven't yet tested the waters of herbal rinses that change the tone of my hair or the topic of henna...).
However, despite my overwhelm, I was intrigued by veiling. It kept coming up for me. I saw more and more women wearing their hair covered, albeit they were various followers of Abrahamic beliefs. I came across articles on pagan veiling in unrelated searches and reading.
Finally I began to search in earnest, what was this all about. I went down the rabbit hole and wanted to learn more.
Actually...I wanted to talk myself out of it. Surely wearing a cover every day would be complicated? Wouldn't I be too hot? Wouldn't it cost a lot to buy a bunch of scarves? I doubted I could tie a scarf on adn look decent anyways. I sought confirmation to my doubts.
I didn't get the confirmation. Instead I found women from all walks of life veiling and loving it. Tips, tutorials, and more were available not only to make veils and tie them but also ways to prevent slippage and add volume to look like you have a head full of hair underneath (two things I wondered about as I have very thin hair anyways).
Seeking to be talked out of it instead, I turned to Lover. He told me to give it a try. "Give it a month and see how you feel." Not only that but he bought me fabric to make my first wrap and watched out baby while I sewed. He later confessed that he was a little enticed by the idea that my hair would become something secret, something only he could see and feel and that flattered him.

So I made a velvet headband out of an old sweater to prevent slippage and a velvet scrunchy to add volume and hold my hair without damaging it.
I made a wrap and also pulled out a scarf from my accessories.
Its day four and hings are going well. Not many people have said anything so far but the ones who have had only compliments. Mostly they asked why I was so dressed up, to which I said that I wasn't really (which I wasn't, it was just the addition of the wrap that seems to bring my whole look together).
I haven't had any headache issues or problems with my cover being tied too tight, which I've read other people have had. I did wake up with a stiff neck yesterday morning from sleeping at a wrong angle and it was an issue with the extra weight but it would have been painful even without the cover so I bore through it.

My son, who hates for me to wear hats and will cry every time I wear one, has had no problems with my wraps. He has touched the wrap a couple of times with a grin but otherwise seems to ignore it now.

covered and nursing

Resources:

V is for Veiling by Galina Krasskova
Veiling: A Different Take on Pagan Womanhood on Patheos
Covered: The Pagan Veiling Controversy
Pagan Pashminas..."Cultural Appropriation" on The Barbed Pentacle (Adult Content)
Occulta Femina Facebook Group for Veiled Pagans